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Should I ask my friend for advice about my divorce?
Should I change my hair? What car should I buy? What movie should I go see this weekend? What gym should I join? What should I do about this issue I’m having at work?
We seek advice from our friends and family to learn how to approach a new situation. Our goal is to go from knowing “nothing” to knowing “something.” And who better to prepare us for this than a group of people we already know and trust?
I know I have a group of friends I lean on for advice. But there are some situations when one needs to evaluate if our friends are the appropriate and qualified source of information about important life issues that vary from person to person, based on their own experience.
Take divorce for example.
Why should I be careful when seeking a friend’s advice about divorce?
Author Susan Pease Gadoua wrote a great article on this subject titled, Beware When Seeking A Friend’s Advice About Divorce, for the Huffington Post. She says that you shouldn’t learn about divorce from someone like a friend, family member, neighbor, or co-worker, and this group of people alone. They should not be your only source for learning about everything that can happen as you move through the often-confusing legal process.
Gadoua cites three main reasons to support her claim:
- You are learning about divorce through someone who may not fully understand what happened or why.
- Your friend/acquaintance may not tell you about special circumstances in his case that may have influenced a particular outcome.
- Everything about you and your case is different from anyone else’s case or circumstances.
Everyone reaches out to his or her network to seek advice and learn from the experiences of their peers. That’s okay. But your peers’ lives and situations are completely different from what you are going through right now.
For example, if you are reading this, you are considering or have already decided to represent yourself and are looking for ways to “do-it-yourself” and learn how to do it right. You know that you need help and are looking to team up with someone to get the help you need, when you need it.
How can I learn more about divorce, if not from my friends?
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ask your friends for advice about what they went through with their divorce, but keep in mind that what they are telling you is different from your situation and there are details they may be omitting from the story that you’re unaware of.
So what can you do to learn more about the divorce and legal process? I recommend that you learn as much as you can, and books by accredited lawyers are a great resource. Here are a few to get you started:
- Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce by Attorney Emily Doskow
- Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Susan Pease Gadoua
Once you have educated yourself as much as you can, build the list of questions that those books have not answered and schedule an appointment with a professional who knows the intricacies of the law specific to the court system where you live.
We are here to help – you can sign up for the next free 30-minute Attorney Appointment, register for a Pro Se University Workshop, or look into other services that match what you’re looking for.
Just because you don’t know what you don’t know, doesn’t mean you have to go it alone.
Orientation Program for Pro Se Parties Required in King County
Effective January 1, 2011, the King County Superior Court passed an emergency rule that requires all self-represented parties to attend an Orientation Program.
The goal of the orientation is to effectively explain the court process to pro se parties in person instead of just handing out forms with instructions.
Attendance is mandatory and the rule is as follows:
LFLR 20. ORIENTATION PROGRAM IN FAMILY LAW MATTERS
Adopted on an Emergency Basis; effective January 1, 2011(a) Description and Applicability. To assist self-represented parties involved in family law matters and improve the efficiency of the court, King County Superior Court Family Court shall conduct an Orientation Program for parties in all cases filed under Chapter 26.09 RCW, including dissolutions of marriage, legal separations and major parenting plan modifications.
(b) Mandatory Attendance. In all cases referred to in Section (a) above, all self-represented parties shall successfully complete the Orientation Program within thirty (30) days of filing or service of the summons and petition. Successful completion shall be evidenced by a certificate of attendance filed with the court by Family Court Operations staff. Any party attending the Orientation Program prior to obtaining a King County Superior Court cause number shall be responsible for filing his or her certificate of attendance in the court file when the cause number is obtained.
You can read details about the rule here, on the King County Superior Court website. The orientation will require a small fee that the pro se party is responsible for.
What does this rule mean for me, a pro se party?
We all know that the legal process can be confusing – which is why Pro Se University offers a number of workshops and services to help you navigate the process. So it’s a good sign that the King County Court is starting this program. What the orientation will look like in implementation is still to be seen.
The details about this program and how Family Court Services will notify pro se parties that file after January 1, 2011 are yet to be determined. If you are one of these people, you can contact Family Court Services for more information.
Related: LFLR 20. ORIENTATION PROGRAM IN FAMILY LAW MATTERS (http://www.kingcounty.gov/courts/Clerk/Rules/EmergencyLocalRules.aspx )