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Posts Tagged ‘ndash’

How can I be an effective negotiator?

17 Feb

If you are not familiar or comfortable with negotiating, you may see it as an intimidating task that requires you to be aggressive or manipulative to get what you want. While it helps to be able to assert yourself, negotiations charged with negative energy will not be the most effective. Being prepared, maintaining a healthy mindset, listening and clearly communicating will be your keys to a successful outcome.

How to prepare for your meeting.

You’ll want to arrive at your meeting with a clear understanding of what you hope to get out of it. That means you’ll know not only what you hope to gain, but what you are willing to give up. Also, think about the needs and objections of the other party – “walk a mile in the other man’s shoes” – so that you can respond quickly and appropriately. Make sure you can provide alternative solutions to the objections. It’s a good idea to create a file with all of your prep work to reference during your meeting.

It is also a good strategy to show up with drafts of all of the necessary paperwork to finalize your case. You can bring them on a laptop or thumb drive, or in hard copy form. If you reach an agreement at the mediation, you can fill out your drafts with your agreement. This work will put you that much closer to finishing your case and will be accurate because both sides will have participated in completing the documents. If you are not sure what paperwork you will need, we can help. Sign up for a free attorney appointment.

Get in the right frame of mind.

Walk into your negotiation with a positive mindset. Try to leave your emotions about the other person at home and approach the situation as you would a business meeting. Give each issue a reasonable amount of time to discuss and when you reach that time limit without significant progress, move on to the next issue. Setting and sticking to an agenda will set the tone that you are both there to resolve your legal issues. Keep focused on the outcome you want; don’t dwell on the past.

Listen carefully and communicate clearly.

During the meeting, listen carefully to the other party and don’t interrupt. Really seek to understand that person’s motivations because this will help you craft the best response. If the other person stakes out a position that you find unreasonable, ask, “Why is he or she taking this position? What is driving him or her to want this outcome?” Often, if you ask these clarifying questions before moving forward in the conversation, you can come up with a solution that addresses the underlying reason for the requested outcome that both parties can accept. When you request something, try your best to clearly communicate why you want this outcome. This will help you and the other person to come to reasonable accommodation on the disputed issues.

It is normal to feel anxious about negotiating. Just remember that a successful negotiation is one that results in both parties walking away feeling that their points of view were heard and the outcome was based on mutual understanding. In most cases, this means reaching a compromise.

 
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Posted in family law mediation, mediation, negotiating strategy, opposing party

 

Funeral questions

14 Sep

I was not invited to my ex-wife’s funeral, not even after 33 years of what I esteem to be a good marriage. She did not want me there, and when I went anyway, my son Ben put me in the hospital with the help of the local Kent, Connecticut guards "obeying orders, mein herr."  Awaking, relieved to find that I was not dead too, things did work out for the better.  Now I’ve had time to reflect.  Was I right to go, or wrong? I believe the Irish have it right; friends, enemies, everyone’s welcome, and it’s party time!

I asked "Ask Amy".  She said I was nothing more than a hooligan [maybe I am, but a proud hooligan I hope].  I asked my neighbor, who should know more about these things.  He does, after all, run the local "Hollywood Forever" cemetery. He pointed out that they always obeyed the wishes of the departed, but this was his view:

Personally, I do not feel that anyone should be excluded from a funeral – especially those who most need to find peace with the deceased.  At Thai Buddhist funerals (never private), which we conduct often – a bowl of water is placed on the lap of the deceased.  All of the mourners are given a small cup of water from a golden bowl.  One by one, they pass by the deceased and pour the water into the bowl.  The water represents all that remains unfinished, unexpressed, unsaid between the mourner and the deceased.  To not allow proper mourning, to ignore rituals, to erase or deny death – well – it creates a haunted culture – the living unable to find peace because the dead have not been put to rest.

I like that.  After all, that choice is the last one you are ever likely to make, because, well, it is after all.

 
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Posted in A SPACE FOR REFLECTION, COMMENTARY