I was not invited to my ex-wife’s funeral, not even after 33 years of what I esteem to be a good marriage. She did not want me there, and when I went anyway, my son Ben put me in the hospital with the help of the local Kent, Connecticut guards "obeying orders, mein herr." Awaking, relieved to find that I was not dead too, things did work out for the better. Now I’ve had time to reflect. Was I right to go, or wrong? I believe the Irish have it right; friends, enemies, everyone’s welcome, and it’s party time!
I asked "Ask Amy". She said I was nothing more than a hooligan [maybe I am, but a proud hooligan I hope]. I asked my neighbor, who should know more about these things. He does, after all, run the local "Hollywood Forever" cemetery. He pointed out that they always obeyed the wishes of the departed, but this was his view:
Personally, I do not feel that anyone should be excluded from a funeral – especially those who most need to find peace with the deceased. At Thai Buddhist funerals (never private), which we conduct often – a bowl of water is placed on the lap of the deceased. All of the mourners are given a small cup of water from a golden bowl. One by one, they pass by the deceased and pour the water into the bowl. The water represents all that remains unfinished, unexpressed, unsaid between the mourner and the deceased. To not allow proper mourning, to ignore rituals, to erase or deny death – well – it creates a haunted culture – the living unable to find peace because the dead have not been put to rest.
I like that. After all, that choice is the last one you are ever likely to make, because, well, it is after all.
At the Chelsea Flower Show
I just read in the Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail of the celebrities attending the annual Chelsea Flower show in London. Another opportunity to show off their hats.
I see that my old sister-in-law Vanessa was there with her daughter Joely. She named a rose in honor of her other daughter Natasha, who died as the result of a foolish escapade on the slopes of a Canadian ski run a couple of years ago.
I cannot help but ask her why she could not do the same for her young sister Lynn, who has just past the first anniversary of her death on the flats of Kent, Connecticut.
It could be named THE PRINCESS MARGARET ROSE (get it?). For Lynn felt she was always the second favorite daughter in her family.
Posted in "Chelsea Flower Show", "Joely Richardson", "Natasha Richardson", "skiing accident", "Vanessa Redgrave", COMMENTARY-Passing parade, My Family and Me