Should I change my hair? What car should I buy? What movie should I go see this weekend? What gym should I join? What should I do about this issue I’m having at work?
We seek advice from our friends and family to learn how to approach a new situation. Our goal is to go from knowing “nothing” to knowing “something.” And who better to prepare us for this than a group of people we already know and trust?
I know I have a group of friends I lean on for advice. But there are some situations when one needs to evaluate if our friends are the appropriate and qualified source of information about important life issues that vary from person to person, based on their own experience.
Take divorce for example.
Why should I be careful when seeking a friend’s advice about divorce?
Author Susan Pease Gadoua wrote a great article on this subject titled, Beware When Seeking A Friend’s Advice About Divorce, for the Huffington Post. She says that you shouldn’t learn about divorce from someone like a friend, family member, neighbor, or co-worker, and this group of people alone. They should not be your only source for learning about everything that can happen as you move through the often-confusing legal process.
Gadoua cites three main reasons to support her claim:
- You are learning about divorce through someone who may not fully understand what happened or why.
- Your friend/acquaintance may not tell you about special circumstances in his case that may have influenced a particular outcome.
- Everything about you and your case is different from anyone else’s case or circumstances.
Everyone reaches out to his or her network to seek advice and learn from the experiences of their peers. That’s okay. But your peers’ lives and situations are completely different from what you are going through right now.
For example, if you are reading this, you are considering or have already decided to represent yourself and are looking for ways to “do-it-yourself” and learn how to do it right. You know that you need help and are looking to team up with someone to get the help you need, when you need it.
How can I learn more about divorce, if not from my friends?
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ask your friends for advice about what they went through with their divorce, but keep in mind that what they are telling you is different from your situation and there are details they may be omitting from the story that you’re unaware of.
So what can you do to learn more about the divorce and legal process? I recommend that you learn as much as you can, and books by accredited lawyers are a great resource. Here are a few to get you started:
- Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce by Attorney Emily Doskow
- Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Susan Pease Gadoua
Once you have educated yourself as much as you can, build the list of questions that those books have not answered and schedule an appointment with a professional who knows the intricacies of the law specific to the court system where you live.
We are here to help – you can sign up for the next free 30-minute Attorney Appointment, register for a Pro Se University Workshop, or look into other services that match what you’re looking for.
Just because you don’t know what you don’t know, doesn’t mean you have to go it alone.
