People know to prepare themselves emotionally when going through the divorce process, but they often fail to prepare for adjusting to life afterward. Too often, they assume that life on the other side will be easier and they vastly underestimate the new challenges they will inevitably face. To help make things less stressful for you later on, take some time to think about and understand some of the common misconceptions surrounding divorce.
What are some common misconceptions surrounding divorce?
One of the biggest misconceptions concerns money. Both women and men tend to believe that their finances will not change significantly after a divorce. They don’t take the time to sit down together and figure out how the income that previously supported one household will be able to support two in the future. Instead, each party expects to sustain their current lifestyle while the other makes concessions. Typically, women believe they will receive more maintenance than the court is likely to award, while men believe that they shouldn’t have to pay alimony and that everything should be divided equally, even if their spouse hasn’t worked for many years. In most cases, both parties will end up living off of a lower income post-divorce.
You may be able avoid frustration and disappointment down the road by setting up a budget during the divorce, either together or on your own. At the very least, a budget will help you to anticipate upcoming lifestyle adjustments. In fact, you may want to start cutting expenses now if you can, or think about ways to eventually increase your income.
Other common misconceptions about divorce involve children. Parenting after a divorce can be complicated, but it helps to be flexible and open-minded. Many women are used to being the primary caregiver and find it difficult to let go of the high level of control they once had over their children’s lives and schedules. Depending on your custody arrangement, your children may spend time between two homes, which means increased time away from you. This can be painful at first, but remember that your children have two parents and that it is essential to their well-being and development that they spend time with both of them.
Men struggle with their own parenting challenges after divorce and are frequently surprised by how difficult it is to raise a child on their own. They are also often caught off guard by the amount of child support they are required to pay.
It is important to note that the amount of child support one pays is related to the amount of time each parent spends with a child. The parent who has the child most of the time will receive child support from the other parent. If the child spends significant time with both parents, then the paying parent may get a credit against the support payment to account for this extra time. Also, if primary parenting of multiple children is split between the parents, then child support is based on this “split-custody” arrangement. In these situations, we use a formula to calculate which parent will pay support and in what amount. This formula was developed by Division I of the Washington Court of Appeals in the case of In re Marriage of Arvey, 77 Wn.App. 817, 894 P.2d 1346 (Wash.App. Div. 1 1995).
It is also important to remember that the issues of child support and parenting are treated separately by the court. This means that one parent cannot withhold visitation from the other parent because he or she has failed to pay child support. Instead, the parent who is not receiving his or her court-ordered support must bring legal action to enforce the order to pay. But in the meantime, the nonpaying parent is still entitled to enforce the parenting plan. This is because to do otherwise would be unfair to the child, who has a right to spend time with both parents.
How can I clear up any misconceptions I may have about life after divorce?
You can learn about the realities of divorce by reading through the Pro Se University blog archives or you can sign up for the next free 30-minute Attorney Appointment. We are here to help.
